Letter: Action & Reaction

My sweet sub,

In science and in life…For every action, there is a reaction.

We know this but it is forgotten. Still, sometimes life throws you a big ass curve ball. Maybe you discover something about yourself. Maybe you discover it about someone else, or maybe both. And that discovery can run you through the full gamut of emotions–several times over.

But in life and love, it’s about faith and growth, both in yourself and others. The deepest level of love is to be able to shoulder the weight of huge changes and still have faith and love, whether its in yourself or your relationship.

The need to love and be loved in relationships requires people with emotional fortitude who can, even through all the emotions and growth, love you on the most basic level and be your best friend. Those who cannot do this are not necessarily evil or bad, but they definitely do not have the strength required to see a relationship through to the end of life.

Love is about taking two broken, confused, imperfect people who have a mutual love and respect, and can be completely vulnerable and honest enough to see and be seen the darkest and “ugliest” parts of your soul and stand by you no matter what. This doesn’t mean they won’t cry, cuss, get angry, or be broken hearted…it simply means they choose you over and over again, day by day, because their love for you is stronger than all that. The bond you share trumps everything.

When dealing with the one you love, honesty requires having the faith in that person to know that even through they may have a reaction that scares or angers you, they’ve still chosen you again and again–and they’ll choose you again this time. For love to work, BOTH people must have this same fortitude and mentality.


This doesn’t mean it is free range to do anything because the other person can deal with it, of course. If this is abused, the other person will become spent and eventually give up because they feel used and that their commitment to the relationship is not being reciprocated. The person receiving such a commitment of time and heart has to treat the relationship with kid gloves, to protect it from undue damage and limit the amount of energy the person loving them has to spend to maintain their strength…just as we maintain our cars and homes from unnecessary damage. If it is not in us to do this, then we do not truly love the other person.

I am not going anywhere soon. I will tell you if I am, but I will have reactions to your actions. I am human. My strength is not found in my lack of reactions, but in my ability to have those normal reactions and still find it in me to be all of those things described here. The same is true for you. Plus, your strength is in trusting in someone else’s ability to have reactions and emotions and still be there for you. You cannot control another person by filtering what you tell them. This will only lead to the destruction of the relationship.

Just sayin’.








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